Beef cuts names

I had never been curious about beef cut`s name before I moved to Miami Beach in 2006. Why? Because I had to go grocery shopping and I wanted to be aware of beef cut names. It was a little beat hard in the beginning because I had no clue about beef cut names in English. I knew this one: ribs. But how about "picanha", "contra-filé" and "alcatra"?

On my first shopping, I looked for a cut map at the supermarket, but there wasn't one there. So, I picked the first one I thought it would be good: skirt beef. First thought: is it a cut from a cow and not from a bull? All I remember is it as chewy and juicy cut. And back to Brazil, I found out that skirt is the needle tip - ponta da agulha.

One of my favorite cuts is "fraudinha", in English, little dipper. No, it's not a cut near to the cow's intestine or bladder. It's a juicy cut and here it has this name because the metaphor for this cut is "it's heavy and soaked liked like a baby's dipper, without the crap ;)". Would I look for a little dipper beef? No, and I'm glad that in America little dipper beef is flank :)

If you think those names chose for beef cuts, imagine if those were named after people's name. Larry beef? Anna steak? Prime Michael cut? Well, you may find some steaks named after people, but those are recipes :)

Kick the bucket: same words, different meanings

I had a chance to watch "The Bucket List" in theater when I was in America. I watched here in Brazil on HBO, with the Portuguese subtitles. Reading a different translation to "kick the bucket" called my attention. If you translate "kick the bucket" to Portuguese, you'll find and expression for it, but different than "kick the bucket" in English.

When you say in Brazil you want to kick the bucket, it means you want to give up something that is not working in your life. But the feeling you have after "kicking the bucket", relief is the feeling. It can be your relationship, career and thoughts. Isn't your relationship working or your career isn't going ? Kick the bucket.

I did a research on "Kick the Bucket", American way. I thought you first have to do a list of things you would want to do before passing away, like on "The Bucket List". If all the things done you wanted to do, you wouldn't mind passing away. That's what I realized watching the movie. But it doesn't make sense at all. I read that people hanged themselves by standing on a bucket with a noose around their neck and then kicking the bucket away. I don't want to be cruel, but it makes sense.

After this post, I'll be very careful whenever I say kick the bucket. And if you are curious about the expression we have down here for kick the bucket, the answer is to beat your boots.

Impossibility according animals

Once I saw this TV commercial for a beans brand. A guy talks to a dog about how good those beans are and it's family recipe for generations. Dog asks if he can get the recipe. Guy answers yes, when pigs fly. What is the next scene on the commercial? The dog, trying to teach a pig to fly by itself.

There I realize when someone says "when pigs fly", it means it won't happen. Do pigs fly? When pigs are sent to other countries on a FEDEX flight wouldn't count as a yes. Or if you built a giant slingshot and throw pigs. Maybe if MTV's "Jackass" was still in the air, maybe Johnny Knoxville would do a "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is pigs flying.". Or maybe Chris Pontius.

Let's get back to the question on the paragraph above. Do pigs fly? Times like this I wish I had a farm. Because if I had one, I would do this experiment with the pigs, giving them Red Bull. Doesn't Red Bull give you wings? Once I gave pork to a baby pig. He liked that. So, if pigs can't fly, they can be cannibals.

What is the expression for "when pigs fly" here in Brazil? If cows cough. Possible? Yes, if a ventriloquist has a cow puppet and makes the cough sounds. I've heard dogs sneezing, but cows coughing? Not even hoof-and-mouth disease made it possible.

Thank the Lord that animals can only explain impossibilities. Otherwise, Einstein would roll over his grave if a partridge contested that the Theory of Relativity is wrong.

When rain used to be about water

When I lived in America I used to rear people saying "it's raining cats and dogs". I tried to figure out what they meant. Looking through the window was very helpful: heavy rain.

So, why would Americans say "it's raining cat and dogs"? Is there a pursuit relation between the raindrops? There is one between dogs and cats. Also, there is one between raindrops and whatever it is on the ground. But who are cat and dog on this pursuit? I would say raindrops are the dogs and everything on the ground are the cats. Come on, we are pursuit by the raindrops. Wouldn't be more interesting if the expression was "it's raining dogs on cats"? No, let's not change the Language.

Here in Brazil the expression is "it's raining pocket knifes". Probably you are thinking we use shield on raining days instead of umbrellas, aren't you? This expression makes sense because the raindrops fall down fast and stingy. But they don't cut. See how many utilities a raindrop has, like a pocket knife: watering the plants and the soil; streets washing; floods, unfortunately.

No matter where it rains, and how. So, if you don't open your umbrella, get ready to get wet.

Law to British People

This one has a historical background:

Brazil had slavery till May 13th 1888, when slavery was forbidden by the Aurea Law, signed by Princess Isabel. The slave trade was really huge. The British Kingdom wasn't happy with the Portuguese and Dutch slaves trading from Africa to the Brazilian Empire. So, the British Parlament approved the "Bill Aberdeen Law". This law allowed the Royal Navy to sink slave trade ships coming from Africa heading to Brazil.

So, how many ships were attacked by the Royal Navy ??? Nobody knows. There are no historic registers of how many ships were attacked.

When we say "it's a law to British People" we mean something exist but no one cares about. Do you have something like this in USA ???

Like a dog eating mango

All my friends who have dogs always ask me to not give them chocolates. I had a dog when I was a kid and once, I gave him chocolate. It made him felt really sick. That's why he hated till the end of his life. Lesson: chocolates make people happy, not dogs !!!

Well, what chocolates, mango and dogs have in commom ??? Well, it's bad to give chocolates to dogs. But in Brazil, when you say someone looks like a dog eating mango, you mean his/her is really ugly, kind of nature forgot about him/her. Yeah, plastic surgery is waiste of time, money and the doctor's skills.

I've never seen a dog eating mango. Once, I got an e-mail from a friend that has a photoshop work: a dog eating mango. It was really ugly, but I don't know what made it ugly: the dog eating mango or the crappy photoshop work.

So, how do I say a person is really ugly "like a dog eating mango" american way ???

Airplane and Grape

Believe, if you call a woman in Brazil Airplane or Grape, you are saying she's beautiful. But what are the expressions and slang for beautiful woman in USA ???

Two things made me write this post: a brazilian playboy magazine cover and an ad a friend of mine created in Brazil for haircolor tint.

Playboy: Brazilian airline Varig almost went bankrupsy. A lot of people lost their jobs. So, Playboy magazine in Brazil selected 3 stewardesses who got fired. And the photo shoot title was: Varig's airplanes. When I was talking to friends about this photo shoot, many didn't understand why the girls were called airplanes. I thought they would understand because of a movie: Miss Congeniality. Let me be more specific: In this movie, Sandra Bullock plays a FBI agent, an ungly one. To solute a case, she has to get in undercovered in a beauty contest. Michael Kaine plays a beauty consultant who makes the miracle: the ugly agent turns to a beautiful contester. Before she goes to the contest, all the makeover was made in an airport hangar. When the job is done, you see her totally gorgeous, walking out the hangar like an airplane. I remember my friend Alfredo saying "here comes the airplane".

I asked to a couple of girls if I called them airplane what I would mean. The answer: fat. So, in portuguese, it means beautiful, gorgeous ... and in USA it means fat ??? In both cases make sense. Airplanes are big and heavy. But they are beautiful, pure engineering art. Airplanes are curvy, like gorgeous womem. And when they walk in a room they exhale their beauty and charm like the power that come out form the airplane's engines when they are taking of. That's a beautiful scene.

Grape: I have a friend who work in an advertising agency that has a cosmetic company as a client. They lauched a new colorhair tint that has grape seeds on the formula, what is supposed to be good for women's hair. And the ad headline says: If someone screams "beautiful", it means he liked the color. But if he says "you are a grape", it means he knows about haircolor tints.

So, what grape and women have in commom ??? Grapes are smooth like women's skin: it's amazing to touch. And grapes are sweet as women's kisses and their touch ...

No matter how we say, but women, you always deserve the best !!!